A few too many cheeky wines after work on a Friday, and suddenly, you’ve told that walking red flag of an ex that you miss them…and now the only logical next step is a lobotomy. It’s a tale as old as time. At least back in the day, if you wanted to embarrass yourself, you had to physically show up at their house. Now, thanks to modern technology, you can ruin your life from the comfort of your couch with a single text (we’re so lucky)!
But why do we do it?
God only knows babe.
We’ve all been there. And if you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you definitely have…and that you’re looking for reassurance that the paragraph you sent your ex last week was totally justified and definitely made him see you in a new light. While I can’t speak on behalf of your ex, I can say this: Darling, you did what you had to do in the moment.
So, why is it that one sip of Pinot is enough to convince us that texting our ex is the best idea we’ve ever had? There has to be some kind of science behind this, right? Because at this point, it’s practically an epidemic, and we need to take a stand…against ourselves and our terrible willpower.
I’ll be the first to admit it: I have been a victim of the solo Friday night drunk text disaster. I have sent messages that single-handedly destroyed any possibility of future communication with a man I once thought was all that… News flash: he was not all that. Because if he was, I wouldn’t have been waiting for him to text me first (something I learned only after years of self-inflicted pain).
The ‘Science’ (according to me)
Here’s my theory: Sometimes, we just need to say things out loud. When we are sober, we battle between “Do I send this and look crazy?” or “Do I keep it to myself and maintain my dignity?” But deep down, all we want is someone to back us up. You know, someone to say, “Yes, babe, send it.” And when there’s no bestie around to validate our emotions, guess what steps in? Liquid courage.
The problem is that wine never tells us no. Wine never says, “Girl, maybe sleep on it.” Wine just hands us our phone and whispers, “Go for it, queen.” But here’s something that’ll make you feel better – there is literal science that backs this up. Alcohol messes with your brain’s stress response system (HPA), switching off the part that makes you overthink and worry about consequences. So in the moment, texting your ex feels like the right move because your brain isn’t throwing up the usual red flags. That is… until the next morning, when your stress hormones wake up and choose vengeance (fml).
And that’s called hangxiety, folks.
How to Stop
Now, you might be wondering: Do I even want to stop? Well, that depends on how much damage control you and your friends have had to do lately. But if you’re looking to break the cycle,, I’ve got a foolproof solution. And no, before you panic, I’m not suggesting you cut back on the wine, god I’m not a criminal.
You just need to change platforms.
The next time you feel the urge to text your ex, open your Notes app instead. Write the text. Let it all out. Pour your soul into it. Then read it, read it again… and close the app. That’s it. No send button, no regrets, no 4 a.m. existential crisis.
You’ll be surprised by the relief you get just from writing it. Seriously. It’s like hitting send without ruining your life.
Warning
If you do happen to forget to delete these notes, just know that one day, when you’re looking for your grandma’s ANZAC biscuit recipe, you may stumble upon a full-blown love letter to a man whose name you can’t even remember. It’ll hit you like a scent from your past, and for that, I must give you this warning: Proceed with caution x
Now, I don’t know about you, but all this chat about drinking by yourself on a friday night has me craving a very large glass of wine…. Is it Friday yet?
Get yourself sorted x
